Coping Mechanisms
by HorseStar1
Summary: The war has been taking it's toll, and Ahsoka is kept up at night by nightmares and memories. She finds that training gives her some peace of mind. Anakin attempts to guide her in defining what is a "healthy" amount of sleep and physical activity, and what is not. Fluffy one-shot.


The Jedi Temple had been composed to be serene and calm, a haven for all Jedi. It hummed gently with the Force, which felt far more tangible in the Temple than nearly any other place in the galaxy. The Temple was composed of the strength of the Force's connection, and peace, and solidarity. It was safe.

The Force was not wildly understood at one time - Jedi were laughed at, frowned upon, feared, and considered heretics amongst other things. The Temple was their protection from the Galaxy's misconceptions. Because the Jedi were later accepted and drew funding from the Senate, they became affiliated with the Republic and the Galactic Senate. And so as the Republic grew tainted and corrupt, so did the Jedi.

Or at the least that was what Ahsoka Tano told herself when she found that the Temple was no longer a comfort to return to.

She felt more dirty and more stained with the blood and lies and kills every single return, like she was no longer as pure as the home she had grown up in. Perhaps she felt undeserving, or perhaps she felt the Temple itself was a lie. Real life and the war were not what she had been told as a child. The Council had rough edges and imperfections and flaws, just like she. The world was not a textbook or black and white.

Or perhaps she just no longer knew what peace felt like. Meditation offered her no solace, her classes left her feeling flat and disconnected from reality, and even socializing with her previous friends felt like speaking with strangers. Had they changed, or had she? She didn't know anymore.

And after Master Skywalker's and her last mission, sleep was so evasive that Ahsoka wasn't sure she knew what it felt like to not be tired. Every night, she was spiraled out of sleep by a nightmare that left her panting and begging and nearly crying. She saw her hands curl around her enemy's neck as she screamed, "Where is he, _where is he_? _Where's my Master?_ " Where was Anakin, where was Obi-wan?

They were in tunnels, a clone trooper shaking his head sadly, "Padawan Tano, it's no use. They're gone." The explosion had killed them, he told her calmly.

The worst part was that Ahsoka couldn't feel them. Her Master and Obi-Wan were fuzzy shapes in the Force, like they had been imprinted somewhere in the great distance and beyond. It was as though they existed, somewhere, but not distinctively. It was an eerie feeling, one she could hardly explain.

The tunnels weren't real, but Ahsoka knew that Anakin and Obi-Wan were in there dying. She couldn't get to them in time, everyone was telling her it was pointless. They were elusive, wispy, dying, and she was so utterly helpless to stop it. She could only run through the tunnels blindly, while they left her alone in the Galaxy.

She would always find her enemy before her Master, and he would look at her with laughing cold eyes as he brought her to her dead mentors' bodies. And then she would wake when her blind rage and grief consumed her, hopelessness seeping into her stomach and leaving her body chilled and leaden.

After about two weeks of nightmares, Ahsoka found that exercise and training could exhaust her enough so that she fell into a dreamless sleep. Every night thereafter, she would slip to a training salon and begin katas and troubleshoot weak points in her form to perfect her skill best she could.

* * *

They were on the fifteenth day of furlough when Anakin brought Ahsoka's appearance up. He did so over breakfast, while they were seated at their kitchen table in their small apartment. Ahsoka was slouched over her plate, avoiding her Master's eyes as she ate.

"No offense, Snips, but you look terrible." He remarked casually as he sipped jawa juice.

The Padawan in question was shoveling eggs into her mouth and hardly chewing - or tasting - her breakfast. She ate, because it meant that she was 'well'. She ate because not eating was not an option, not if she wanted Master Skywalker to leave her alone. "Thanks, Master." She remarked dryly, "I'm _so glad_ you think so." Her blue eyes narrowed just enough to let him know that she did, at least, think that the comment was offending. She added, "Don't you think it's ironic that people add the term 'no offense' to things they are about to say that are, in fact, offensive?"

"You're changing the subject," Anakin countered, "And I mean, it looks like you haven't slept at all in the two weeks that we've been back."

"Yeah, well." Ahsoka shrugged, "Training, homework and stuff. No big deal, Master. Stop worrying." She crumpled her napkin and started to stand to leave, signaling that the conversation was, in her eyes, over.

Anakin, however, barged ahead and said, "I'm your Master and I'm supposed to worry. I'm also supposed to oversee your classes while we're on break, and you need to rest. If it's too much, I'm pulling you out of some of them." Ahsoka's eyes widened almost comically, but she would not be reduced to groveling or begging.

"No." Ahsoka growled in response, shaking her head, "Don't worry about it, Master." The girl stood, moving her plate into the sink with the force. She didn't sit back down, and hedged slightly towards the front door.

"What's got you so snippy?" Anakin taunted in response. Ahsoka's fatigue was bringing out the worst in her mood, and she knew she needed to regain some control over her emotions, but she was _so tired_.

"Ugh." Ahsoka groaned, turning around, "Leave me alone, Master. I can handle it. It's not that they're that hard or anything."

They were hard, of course. She was Skywalker's Padawan. She had to take hard classes, had to be on par with the best Jedi Padawans in the Temple. She was the Chosen Padawan, Anakin Skywalker's apprentice. It was expected.

She couldn't take a free pass, not even from her master.

"I'm going to speak with your teachers, Ahsoka." Anakin reprimanded sternly. His wayward apprentice rolled her eyes at him, her annoyance plain.

" _Stop_ , Master! It's not just homework, okay! I've got other responsibilities!" Ahsoka snapped, her voice drifting into a whine at the end of the sentence.

"Like what?" Anakin edged. He stood up across from, palms flat on the table and his stance guarded and searching. He never bothered to shut her down with the reminder she was to be respectful to her elders, but instead argued with her and parried her shots like he did her training saber.

"I dunno!" Ahsoka was yelling now, her lekku flushed with annoyance, "Like, maybe if you were actually at home or something in the evenings, you would know!" The Padawan tossed her balled up napkin into the garbage container and flounced out of the room with all the bravado she could muster, all the while cursing her stupidity.

What if her Master actually decided to stay home that night? Then he would know.

Jedi weren't supposed to have nightmares, after all.

* * *

There were a few classes that Ahsoka really hated, and there one that she absolutely abhorred and dreaded more than nearly anything in the entire Galaxy;she was fairly sure that it would spell the end of her apprenticeship if she didn't tread carefully.

Treading carefully was the precise problem, because Ahsoka didn't tread so much as run into things full-force, and because the class was titled Etiquette in Debate. Ahsoka did not debate tactfully, but rather like a gundark might; she barged in, said her piece, and expected the issue resolved. According to her Etiquette teacher, Ahsoka's method was abhorrent as well as recipe for disaster.

Ahsoka wouldn't have enrolled in the class, but she was required to take the class per the Council, who found her too mouthy for her own good. In other words, Ahsoka had decided that they wanted her to fail at being a Padawan. Plain and simple.

And she was kriffing exhausted, so it was more or less expected that she would lightly doze off every now or then...or every single class meeting (but she wasn't _caught_ every time, so that had to count for something).

It only made sense, however, that she would find herself in the most trouble after that conversation with Anakin. Ahsoka was five minutes late, which, of course, evoked a long lecture detailing how lateness was inappropriate and a sign of poor etiquette in any setting - she was Padawan to Anakin. If her teacher was going to judge anyone on tardiness, it should be _him_ \- and it also evoked her teacher to pay more attention than usual to the apprentice. It also meant that since Ahsoka was late and the number of students in the class was an odd number, she was the one paired with the teacher.

Fan-freaking-tastic, Ahsoka thought as she none-too-gracefully slouched across from the disdainful knight. The Knight regarded her coolly, then chided, "Sit up straight, Padawan Tano."

Ahsoka sighed and straightened her spine without comment, the Knight's eyes watching her like a kritten's. "Sighing - "

"Is inappropriate?" Ahsoka muttered without thinking.

"As in interrupting." The Knight said dryly, "Do you have the script open in your DataPad for today's lesson."

"Yes." Ahsoka replied, blue orbs glancing at the fuzzy text below you.

"Alright. Imagine that you are nearly complete at brokering a deal between two feuding..." The Knight droned on, and having read the section already, Ahsoka tuned out, only to resurface when the woman asked, "What would you do in that situation?"

Ahsoka glanced at the Datapad, and mumbled, "Um. Tell them that their solution is lame anyway?" If she had said this to Anakin, he might have found it amusing. Obi-Wan would have given her a dry look.

Irritation shuttered across the older Knight's features, and she began to reprimand the Padawan, then stopped. "Step out into the hall, Padawan Tano." Ahsoka's blue eyes widened, and she inwardly groaned.

When the Knight joined her, Ahsoka's arms were crossed and her countenance defensive, but she leapt into a makeshift apology. "I'm sorry for being disrespectful, Master. I did study the material..."

"Ahsoka, you are at risk for failing the class already." The human woman tsk'd lightly, her green eyes narrowing as she studied the Togruta. "I understand that this class is not one of your strong suits, but it is necessary for us to do what we don't like sometimes."

Ahsoka felt her own frustration boiling and she turned away so that the Knight would not see the emotion reflecting in her blue eyes. "You're tired, Tano." The woman said instead, her lips pursing mildly.

"I'm fine." Ahsoka snapped.

The Knight shook her head, "I am going to speak with your Master regarding this." Ahsoka felt like she was plummeting. Between that morning's breakfast conversation and this _wonderful_ class, Ahsoka knew that she was doomed.

* * *

It turned out that she needn't have worried. She stayed up late that night, per usual, her eyes drifting to the glowing chrono in the kitchenette every now and then. Mostly, however, she focused on her DataPad as she studied a mission report. It was a write-up from another Jedi team, and the Padawan was attempting to see if they were the same. If they were concerned.

Her fingers curled tightly over a steaming mug of caf, which she sipped without blowing on. She was addicted to it's warmth, and she was addicted the caffeine. Besides, if she didn't drink it, she would fall asleep before she trained and then a nightmare would yank her back to reality. No. It was best to avoid that.

When she finished her caf, she put the empty mug in the sink, then slipped into her Jedi robe and pulled its hood over her montrals. It wouldn't offer much cover - there were few Togruta Jedi in the Order - but it might keep fatigued and wandering Jedi from recognizing her too quickly.

The salle she chose was empty, with no windows. Ahsoka powered on half of the lights and a training simulator, carefully easing her tight body into a stretch. She grimaced as she did so; her muscles were noticeably stiff and tired after daily and nightly training routines, but it had thus paid off. Her form had drastically improved in only two short weeks.

The Padawan then powered on her training saber, it's lime green glow illuminating the walls. Moving into position, Ahsoka began to work her way through a more complicated set of katas.

It was the rhythm she loved; she was able to slip into a trance easily that felt more calming and numbing then her daily meditation exercises. The light pain in her muscles was welcoming, the sweat on her body a friend. She hardly even felt the physical pain anymore, and it seemed to drown out the endless voices in her mind.

Briefly, she wondered if she was only content if she was doing a sizable amount of physical activity by now. If she could only be happy this way.

Ahsoka practiced for another few hours before she finally turned off her training blade. When she turned towards the door, she stopped short at the sight of her Master leaning against the wall. Her mouth popped open in a small 'o' shape, but she quickly covered it up with an angry, "How long were watching me?"

Anakin studied her, "Other responsibilities, huh."

"Yeah." Ahsoka snipped back, "What about _your_ other responsibilities? I'm just trying to give you a run for your money on our next mission." It was a terrible excuse, which Anakin was quick to point out.

"By ensuring you are so tired that you fall asleep while commanding the 501st? That sounds like it'll be a challenge to beat." He sounded so much like Obi-Wan that Ahsoka let out a huff as she tried to brush by him.

"Where are you going?" Anakin asked, following her. He quickly matched his apprentice's pace, a mask of concern and faint anger chiseled into his features.

"Bed." Ahsoka said. "You wanted me to sleep, right?" She hated his over-protective side, his distrust of her. She hated him thinking that she anything less than a formidable future Jedi Knight.

"Well, yes. But I was also hoping that maybe you weren't staying up until," He checked his chrono, "three in the morning. I was also kinda hoping that maybe you were sleeping more than three hours a night."

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "I couldn't sleep, so I came down here. Why not do something productive, right?" Ahsoka was traditionally interested in viewing situations with a 'glass half-full' perspective which gave her a decent excuse with the 'being productive' bit, and she was stubborn, and she was proud. If Anakin wanted answers, she wasn't just going to hand them out. No way in this Galaxy.

Beyond that, Jedi didn't have nightmares. She was a Jedi. She didn't have nightmares. Couldn't. Wouldn't.

Of course, Anakin kept following her back to their apartment, matching his stride with hers. Normally, that was something she loved about her Master; for the most part (when he was being an overprotective mess about her well-being), he treated her with respect, and as an equal. He didn't condemn her for being overly mouthy, and let her state her opinion on most matters. But right now, she just wished he was one of those Masters who didn't pay that much attention. "You can't sleep." He guessed, "Haven't been able to since we got back."

"Master." Ahsoka breathed through her nose in an effort to maintain some semblance of poise, "I can sleep. I've slept every single night since we returned. _I'm fine_."

"Really?" Anakin said, "You've slept an adequate amount for a growing Padawan every single night, including this one?"

"Ugh, give it a rest, Master!" _Adequate rest? Growing Padawan? Heesh._ Ahsoka thought dryly, _Yep, something Obi-Wan once said._

They were at the door of their apartment now, and Anakin's arms were crossed, "Yeah, You are totally fine. You're really convincing me." His voice was thick with sarcasm. "Look, Snips. I'm your Master. I have a right to know what's going -"

"No, you don't." Ahsoka barged in, brushing by him. She was still ridiculously tired, but her nerves were on fire as she turned to face her Master, "I am allowed to have personal thoughts and feelings and everything. So butt out."

Anakin closed his eyes, bringing a hand to his forehead and taking a deep breath. He was quite obviously reigning in his own temper. When he opened his eyes, he focused on his apprentice. "I have a right to know what's going on if it's affecting your health. You are not sleeping enough. You don't have to tell me everything, or the details of whatever's getting to you, but what's going on _is not healthy._ Training for hours upon hours upon hours is not healthy." His blue eyes were ice, daring her to challenge him. It was Ahsoka; she rose to the challenge without pause.

"Are you going to forbid it?" Ahsoka asked, her voice raising incredulously, "It's training, it's not a bad thing."

"Haven't you ever heard of 'too much of a good thing'?" Anakin muttered dryly. Anakin locked the door, dropping into a nearby kitchen chair and gazing up at his fuming apprentice.

Ahsoka groaned, "Is it kinda like having a Master, but he's way too nosy?" She sneered, glancing at the chrono again. Late. It was only getting later, and she was never going to sleep tonight. She was too wired, but she was sick of this conversation.

"No," Anakin said, "That's sort of a lame example, Snips. Let me guess, though; you can't sleep because you have nightmares or because everything is getting to you, and training numbs everything down a bit and then you can sleep?" He said it quickly so that she couldn't interject, and the Padawan reeled backwards.

Her mouth was gaping, and her mind was racing, "No." She snapped, knowing she had already given herself away and hating herself for it. _Really, Tano? Really?_

"It's not that big a deal, Snips." Anakin said, lips pursed in thought. He had his arms crossed, one booted foot resting casually on another chair - good thing Obi-Wan wasn't here - and kept his blue eyes steady on her form.

"Oh, so it's 'not that big a deal' that a Jedi Padawan - the kriffing Chosen One's Padawan - has bad dreams, Master? It's a _huge_ deal!" Ahsoka growled. "I'm not exactly supposed to be falling apart over nightmares."

Anakin sighed at that, unfolding his arms. "Ahsoka, you are in the middle of a war. And I'm not saying that your nightmares aren't a big deal so much as I'm saying it's not surprising. The war is effecting all of us, whether other Jedi admit it or not. Some are better at hiding it, and some are better at 'letting go of our emotions', or whatever. But there is no way that even Master Windu is so unfeeling that he is not impacted. I mean, he's practically in love with the Republic. So." Ahsoka couldn't suppress the small giggle that bubbled up in her throat when her Master referenced Windu. Her surprise momentary disarmed her.

"Okay." Ahsoka sighed after a long moment, letting her posture relax, "Fine. I can't sleep, and training is the only thing that helps with that particular problem. So there's not much we can do about that, huh? This is exactly why I didn't tell you, because I knew you'd try and stop me from training when it's one of the only things that helps -" Ahsoka was pacing, ranting. She didn't know how to cope without the exercise at this point, wasn't sure that she wanted to try anything else,

"Stop, Snips." Anakin said, over her tirade. "I'm not going to stop you from training."

Ahsoka raised an eye-marking, and mimicked in a fairly terrible impression of Anakin, "'It's not healthy, Snips'."

Anakin glared in response to that, but responded, "Technically, I'm supposed to advise you in 'releasing your emotions to the force' -" Ahsoka rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time that morning (there was no denying it was morning at that point) and huffed "- so we'll do some extra meditation work to keep the Council off my back. But you and I can do an evening spar every night as a part of your daily training, as well, but you have to promise you will go straight to bed after that."

"Really?" Ahsoka asked, somewhat surprised. Her baby blue eyes widened, and she felt her body continue to slacken. The gritty feeling of fatigue returned, slackening her muscles and fogging her mind.

Anakin shrugged, "Yeah, it really won't hurt you, as long as you don't go down to the salon at midnight. We'll do some meditation right after, and then bed. We'll figure out what to do from there if it doesn't work. You will need to actually rest on your rest days, though, that's the catch. No training." His eyes were on hers again, utterly serious. He meant it.

"Okay. I can live with that." Ahsoka said after a moment. She yawned, attempting to cover it.

Anakin grinned at her, and it was a real smile rather than that cocky smirk she usually saw him sporting, so she smiled back. Anakin paused, "Also, Snips, you still really do look terrible. Go to bed."

"Yeah, you should look in a mirror yourself." Ahsoka quipped, "It looks like you've been up all night."

"Ha, ha. So funny, Snips. Get going. We'll review your class schedule in the morning when you wake up, by the way. I had an _enlightening_ conversation with your etiquette teacher yesterday afternoon."

"What?" Ahsoka groaned, "You can't be serious."

"Nope, I can be. Get going."

"On occasion, you can be serious." Ahsoka hissed under her breath. Anakin ignored her, and pointed towards her bedroom, and Ahsoka stalked off towards her room. She was too tired to even consider arguing with her Master about her classes at the moment.

Fatigue clouded the edges of her vision, and the Padawan let out a tired yawn. She didn't have much energy left to even think about the conversation she'd just had with her Master, but she couldn't help but feel grateful for him. Even though he was annoyingly protective and didn't always seem to trust her, he did respect her and understand her to some extent, at least.

He couldn't chase her nightmares away, but at least he could give her a hand in warding them off. For that, she would be thankful.

 **Eh. The ending's not great, but hey. I might go back and edit sometime, maybe.**

 **This was supposed to more of an introspective piece on coping mechanisms, but it ended up being kinda fluffy because...well...it's me that wrote it? :P Also, I still really like Anakin and Ahsoka's friendship, so that's part of it as well.**

 **Exercise really can numb emotional pain, and it can actually be addictive. Also dopamine and receptors and that stuff come into play, but that's asides the point. It's kinda one of my coping mechanisms, and it didn't seem that improbable for Ahsoka to use exercise to numb her own thoughts/feelings. She's not a traditional Jedi, and while I know she meditates, I just don't think that would be her only go-to for dealing with her emotions.**

 **I may or may not add chapters focusing on Anakin's and Obi-Wan's coping mechanisms. Anakin's being visiting Padme, Obi-Wan's being meditation.**

 **Please R &R and tell me what you think, and lemme know if that ending really does need to be edited. Right now, I'm just not sure what to do with it, but if I come back to this fic it could probably be improved.**

 **Cheers!**

 **HS1**


End file.
